I write to you from my gut feeling, what would I need to hear now in this moment? So many things are cliched and to be honest there also not much that I haven't already heard or tried. Life feels empty right now. In between a past and future self, where to start. So many things I wanted for myself so many things I thought would exist, because I've seen them exist. and yet here I am exactly where I am supposed to be - apparently. Digging deep hands into the soil of my existence waiting for signs of life. Seeds of hope planted in good faith. Faith. That things have got to get better. Not a blind faith in a miracle but in the sounds of the street outside my window and the smell of tea cooking as I pass the house on the end just before I get to the shop where a Mum stands outside with her pram waiting in the doorway negotiating with the toddler who's pulling on her arm asking for sweets who's then startled by a car horn, I pass inside and find my favourite thing on offer- yellow sticker, and I buy 2 packs just for me, I wait in the queue feeling the vibrations of impatience and listening to the idle conversations until its my turn, a quick transaction then I walk back home listening to bird song the hum of cars, feeling the gentle sting of the night air cooling on my bare arms. To me that's hope. Where do you find hope?
Beginnings are hard.
For a long time I have kept journals on/off as a way to make sense of daily life and manage my mood. Over the last few years I have developed a chronic illness - apparently from ongoing chronic stress and trauma - who knew right! and so journaling and writing has become even more sporadic. When I have the energy I tend to spend my time in nature or with close friend’s as despite the many set backs I feel I have also gained a lot of wisdom. I love to write and to read others writings about life experience's as that’s where I’ve always found the most valuable stories, and not through a generic Instagram post asking me to - ‘Remember Who I am’.
Its so easy when your going through a shitty time to think that your the only one experiencing this and I would really love to be able to share our own life experiences to support each other as I feel we each hold so much wisdom from or own unique experiences.
I would love to build a community where others feel free to share their thoughts on daily living prompted by a post, poem or picture because I know I’m not the only one out there feeling that getting through each day is often a hard won battle.
I’m hoping to post twice a week once during the week and then on a Sunday as a kind of round up. I’m pacing myself as I also have some chronic health condition's which I want to be upfront with as this can impact me and my energy levels hugely. At the moment my post will be free to read no paid subscription needed, I feel that’s important as I subscribe to a few Substack’s myself and well, I also don’t have and endless pot of money to keep on subscribing so there will always be free posts, but as I share a little more about my personal life and projects I will introduce a paid subscription for those that want to delve a little deeper.